i wish i could write right now but nothing seems to be coming to mind it seems like when i'm reading a lot of good books i would be inspired to greatness but all i can seem to think of is ":sometimes we do things not because we want to, but because we want the people we love to be happy" and you know what? yes. that initial moment of doing something that displeases us sucks, but aren't we doing it so that when we make them happy they'll love us more and turn around and make US happy? i mean... it's all cyclical, right? this reminds me of psychological ethical egoism and the insanity of it all. it doesn't mean really that humans want to be selfish beings or that we're even ever conscious of the fact that we are inherently selfish, but we are. all of this selfish devotion is just to either survive, increase our feelings of safety love comfort devotion blah blah blah or even, like mother theresa, to ensure our right place on the hand of god... yes? no? it seems to me that you can trace back any any any motive to a selfish one. is this bad? well not necessarily. it can be. sometimes we do things without thinking what reall would be to our total benefit in the end... not even the end. the right now. the 5 years. the ten years. instant gratification? almost never good. i'm tired of this heat. i'm tired of this insane amount of my paycheck i spend on gas. i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired. i want to be a student of life and i want to find answers but i keep coming up with more questions. and it DOES feel hopeless. it feels HOPELESS. what? am i ever REALLY going to see the effect that my efforts have had on this world? this doesn't mean to give up. because to not try, well that's good for nobody. if i cant keep one person from backsliding i suppose that's better than me myself giving up. at least i tried. at least i had meaning. that girl that died a little girl's screaming. screaming kids are driving me out of my goddamned mind. when i'm a mother i don't want to yell at my kids, but i'm SORRY- when one son pushes another son off of his chair for a sip of water, a scolding must take place!!! and likewise, when a little bratty kid won't share a sip of water with his brother, there's another issue altogether! let's learn to SHARE with one another. mommys who love their sons so much that they can't scold them, well those mommies needs to burn in hell. HELL. teach the little bastard a lesson lady. it's great that you love your kids but the entire starbucks cafe does not need to be involved in a 10 minute SCREAMING tantrum over a sip of water. i didn't ask for kids. i came to read. i came to learn. keep it down or i'll shove a big glass of water down your throat and we'll see how comforting you'll be THEN. yes?